Hagrid's Famous Soup
by fuzzysmokes
Summary: Hargrid made some of his famis suop, and he wants hary and his freinds to com over for a sleepover.


It was a breakfast tim in the great hall, and harry potter was enjoying a fresh glass of orange juise. Suddenly, a great burst of owls flooded the grate hall, and they all crapped on ron's sandwhich. "Aww, I was going to eat that," lamented ron. so he did. Also, the owls dropped a shit-ton of letters, and one of them belonged to harry. "Give me that you rascal!" Harry shouted at headwig, and then he punched her in the nose. All of a sudden, Hedwig dripped the letter, and harry started to read it. what does it say? asked ron. "Im going to read it, so shut up and listen," told harry.

_Dear harry, its me! your old pal hargrid. im getting lonely all holed up in my cabin, so pleaz come to my hoouse tonight so that we can have a sleepover! ill be sure to back a lot of rock cakes, and my famous hagrid soup, so bring yer friends ron and Hermione. I have a lot of things ter show yer guys when you get over here, so be on time ok? P.S. whatch out for buckbeack, because he is in mating seeson and he is already raped professor trelwany one hundred times and her pussy is al bloddy now. so plase be careful._

_Sincerly, _

_Hagred, keeper of the keys and hofwarts._

After harry finished his dettention with profeser mcgogganle, hary grabbed some food at a fast food establishment for wizards, because he did not want to eat hagrids rock cakes or drink his famous hargrid soup. but he forgot to bring ron some, so he was remorseful. "oh well, he lamented. I guess that ron will have fun eating hagrids food anyway."

All of a sudden, it was time for harry and his frends to meet up with hagrid. harry gave a sharp rap on the door, and a weird squeeking sound was combined with a loud barking sound. "Shut up you dumb mutt!" asked harry, and then the door swung wide open. Hermione screamed at the sight that she saw. hagrids favorite pet dog fang was at the door with his mouth agape, and drool pooling on the floor. fang was sitting in a wheelchair, and he had a magical cast around his thorax. oh no, what happened to you fang? asked Hermione innocently. "Ar, I tried to nurse him back teh health, buh he got vary sick, because of hiss injurees." said hagrid. "ever since I accidentally fractured his pelvis from having rough hhot sex with him, he has been sick ever since."

"Its ok-ay Her-mi-on-e." said fang in a metallic voice. oh by the love of merlinds beard, this beast talks! ejected Hermione. "yes. ev-er- sins I had my accident-al butt secks accident with hargrid pounding my fallopian tubes, I can now speak be-cause he hooked me up to a machine that retarded people use to talk with." suddenly fang spun around, and wheeled in to the bathroom. he then warned the kids not to eat hagrids rock cakes.

:ar, don't listen to him! growled hagrid in a sensual voice. "he is just feeling a little bad becausei drugged his soup with laxetives!" Little did hagrids know however, theat all of his food was drugged with laxitives. "Well its time for dinner!" Harry sat down in his seat, and ron asked him, "hagrid why is yo;ur hands in ur pants?" suddenly, hagrid had a "senior moment." with a ruch of blood, his enormous penis swelled up like a ballonn and smaked Hermione in the eyeball. "ow, you prick! my eye is now infected with HIV!" sobbed Hermione. "thare thare," soothed hagrid. "Put this green steak on your eye and it will be as good as new!"

after much eating of rock cakes, harry and ron were both feeling vary stuffed, so then hagrid said," well, ter tell yeh the truth its aboot night time!" then he shut off the lights and tucked harry and ron in on the couch. "but hagrid!" asked Hermione. "where can I sleep?" "Arrr, said hagrid in a savage voice. "You can sleep in my bed Hermione! I promise that I will go pee first so that I don't wet the bead." Then, they climbed into bed.

Suddenly, harry and ron were awoken to a horrible sight! While hagrid was snoring abnoxiously, suddenly he got chronic diahreea, and his shit exploded all over Hermione! Hermione started screaming and crying, but then she started to chocke, because his shit tasted bad. Suddnly, hagrid burst through the roof of his house, and his crap propeled him into the air. then it hardened, and he was stuck in the air, because his shit make a giant pillar and he was trapped on top of it! "Oh no!" decided harry. "we have to save our friend hagrid!" hagrid responded with a loud snore.

"Hello boys!" said professor flitwick. "I know how to get him down from thar, INCENDIO!" sudennly, a great burning smell filled the cabin, and hagrid came sliding down the slope. then he had another shit attack, and professor fliwtick was burried underneath hargis poop. "I just knew that those rock cakes were a bad idea!" screamed Hermione shrilly. Then she slapped ron in the face, and said "I cant believe that I came here with you doofuses and now hagrids pet dog is in a wheelchair! this is lal your falt for bringing me hear Ronald!" then she stormed off, but she got lost inside of one of hagrids buttocks. "Quick ron, we have to save her!" said harry. they then started to pee on hagrids face in order to wake him up. hagrids mouth opened, and he started to drink thar pee. then his eyes opened, and he winked. "I just new yeh guys would want to have your way with me! let the sex party begin!"

Everybody came to gahrids sex party, even professor Dumbledore! "Ah hagrids, thank you kindly for inviting me." said professor dubledore seductively. "I think I shall have a bertie botts evry flavor bean! alas, sperm flavoring!" then youre going to love this thought hagrid to himself, with an evil grin. hagrids eyes turned red, and then his muscles ripped through his clothes. then he grabbed professor dubmledore and said, "Everybody, its time to jack off on his beard, even you fang!" fang barked in appreciated and Dumbledore said, "I just knew I should have stayed home today!"

The end.


End file.
